What they do think.

Okay, so, I can relate to what Paulo Coelho went through. I'm dealing with the after effects of it. In finding my element, I have had to leave my entire family behind. This is because whatever I tried in the past was seen as not good enough for my family. My parents had extremely high expectations of who and what I would become, but I was never able to live up to those expectations.
As for, groupthink, I was always the one that stood out as different. I struggle a bit with that in teaching. I just think differently than most people. A lot of how I think comes my experiences as a child. I feel like one of the few first grade teachers that doesn't talk to the students as if they are on Romper Room (ancient preschool TV show). I talk to them as if they are capable human beings. I find myself constantly trying to get them to think for themselves. I know that I have followed the crowd, or at least wanted to. But, I also know that because of who I am the crowd generally stays away.
The area I score lowest on in the evaluations does not really surprise me. Collaboration with other teachers. I am still at the phase where I do worry about what others will think. Student Teachers kind of have to. We don't have the luxury of having a good reputation to back us up. There are so many things I would like to try and express, but I do have to be careful at this stage. I usually feel like that odd puzzle piece. I just don't fit in. So, collaborating with other teachers is uncomfortable for me. I spent most of my life following a specific program set out for me, that I have had to work hard at finding my element. It took me over 33 years to realize that I could think for myself. I've been opening my mind up the last 9 years. Opening it up to see what I really think and feel. Opening it up to see what I am truly capable of. So, yeah, I do worry about what others think. But that is primarily because of the reactions I see. I would be the one choosing answer "a" when everyone else chooses "b".

In The Zone!!!

I've been in the zone before. When I was playing the role of Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit, I remember that the shows went by very quickly. It seemed like normal time before each performance, and then once the show started it seemed to end five minutes later. In reality, it was two hours later. I was just so into the character that my whole mind went to a different place.
I have felt that same feeling during certain points of student teaching. There are some lessons that just fly by. When I'm completely in the moment, and focused on the students. When I am teaching something that I feel passionate about. When I am helping a student learn a vital skill. When a student's eyes light up with a realization of learning. There is a drawback to time flying by. There never seems to be enough of it. I always want the students to have the opportunity to explore and find their own passions and skills. I want them to have the time available to discover their strengths in the various intelligences that they have. But, it seems to me that the high-stakes testing gets in the way. My site-teacher likes seeing some of the things I try with the students, but she also reminds me that there are certain things that must be taught because the students will be tested on it later. This tends to take me out of the zone.
I think it's like the rest of my life, I must find the balance. There is a balance out there (until we do away with the high-stakes) between being in the zone and teaching the basics. I know that when I am in the zone, I feel good and I like who I am. I hope that I can provide that opportunity for my students.